A Hopelessly Impermanent Artist

Winter '25 Landscape Watercolor No. 3

I have been improperly running a blog for over 10 years.  Starts and stops are played out through bold efforts to write, followed by long eras of pausing while I “figure things out.” I often sit on an idea and wait for the moment I’m finally inspired to write.  It’s clunky - but has it achieved any results?  Probably not.  

So, I am beginning again.  This time I am writing from a place that is more self-assured, but more fragile.  An idea has been brewing in my mind for some time now—almost a kind of pain. I have been uneasy with the pace of life.  I have been uneasy with the lack of moments that feel lived and worn in. 

Life has been hopelessly impermanent. 

Each second of the day ticks by and it vaporizes almost before my eyes.  I am not the only who feels this way.  I can feel it online, I can feel it with the people around me, with my familiy and friends.  Time is the most felt human experience, yet for right now, it is feeling unduly robbed from me.  This isn’t trauma or injustice, but instead modern life feels like a slow smoldering wildfire consuming the minutes of my day. 

I don’t plan to set any expectations here.  This blog is simply the clawing back against the slumber of a life felt on autopilot. As a painter, all I can ask for are more moments to feel valuable.  I seek out a life lived in inspiration, in clever experiential execution. 

I can’t write to be educational, I can’t write to sow some grand niche together.  I have been pondering, over these last 10 years, what voice do I bring to this optimized landscape of bloggers and personalities?  What I have found is that I can only share my novelty.  

My experience of life is through painting.  At my core I am a daydreamer - a formative escapist.  I write to pause and play out meandering thoughts.  I create an internal world so that it can be born out into real experiences and hopefully create time to host some really good adventures.

Clawing back time.

I believe a hopelessly impermanent life can reward us with valuable moments.  At least that is what I aim to pursue as I continue this blogging effort.  To be hopelessly impermanent is to notice time, to be overtaken by it.  Hopeless impermanence notices the seasons, it leans into the creativity a dinner with loved ones offers, it delights that an experience doesn’t last forever.

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My blog relaunch is coinciding with my entry into SubStack.  Please check me out on this new platform and subscribe to my profile there. 

https://substack.com/@apocalypticnostalgia